Ok, enough I need a better life,

•October 4, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I was alone this Saturday night, just having broadcast with my partner and after that watching “Blind Dating” even that movie was not really good. And this morning I had my show at 5, there were some problems came, those all were enough to make me got bad-tempered. After having not a really good mood, I decided to send -my special one- later I will write it MS. I can not write to clear about MS, I just want to express it by these words.

I don’t know who is the devil,

is that me that always make you happy?

is that the girl who call you husband,

or they, the two children who call you dad,

or you that call me Love.

If love is heaven,

why does love hurt me, or sometime hurt her,

or usually hurt them.

or you say it always hurt you by the confusion you have.

So how I pretend that love is heaven,

while my smiles and yours become their cries.

how I pretend that it makes me life

while when you should stand as who you are I should cry,

okay, the holy love of you , your marriage couple and your two heritages

are the things that should be ever-lasting , , ,

and I don’t to be apart of your sin . . .

go away from me,

go ahead with them ,

because I need a better life,

by Your Help, Lord .


me vs ustadz

•September 27, 2009 • Leave a Comment

First, before you read this post I just want to tell you that I am a Muslim and I believe in my religion. This is not about a conflict between me and my religion. Just how I see a -people say – a wonderful figure , Ustadz or Ulama. I brought by a very Islamic family. My grandparents from my Father is one of a big Ustadz, he had a Islamic Boarding House and School, and His foundation grew as well. While grandparents from my mother were the have people that really adore Islam and Ulama. That’s what make my grandparent “choose” my father as their son in law. By having that basic I often be compared with my cousins that has a very great Islamic education, while I’m not, even never (specifically). These preface is just want to convince you and my own self, that I’m really objective in writing this, that (sorry) I hard to respect Ulama.

This Ramadhan Month I’ve got a job to be an MC of a Ramadhan Program that also involve some great Ustadz from a great foundation also, since this is a national program. Firstly, I thought it would be better for me to refuse this job, but I feel reluctant to do that, since the company gave me order is a promising company. So I decided to go ahead.

First problem there, that make my bad feeling toward ustadz became worse was the way they looked at me, because I use casual clothes (even it covered my aurat , and polite enough). I just try to recall that we shouldn’t judge someone because of his appearance, I believed that they ever said so, but they forgot, after they looked so holly in their holly stage. Second, another young ustadz that at that time really wants to be an MC (even the project officer tried as hard as he could to stop his step by asking me and my partner as the MC). I saw his disappointment, and he showed me by telling his “achievement” that he often became the MC of some occasion both the religious or the fun program. But Should I tell him the program that I ever brought, even the International one? I just keep silent while imaging he said with a very holly mask “Ladies and gents, remember that proud of your own self too much is not good. Become arrogant also not good, we have to be down to earth.” Oh, maybe those word just for leading their income -once again maybe-.

See a lot of fact whether from inside of my family and outside, that Ustadz becomes too busy saying something good in front of people but he forget his family even himself. Let’s compare what I’ve got from my Father’s parents and my Mother’s parent (but I love them both so much). In learning Islam I feel more comfortable if I get that from my mother’s Parent. They are people that adore Ulama so much, they believe in every words Ulama says. They always practice every single taught given by ulama or ustads. When they think that I need some “guide”, they always remind me by saying “remember what ustads A/ ustadz B/ and another ustadz name .  . . ! ” But I admit that they really apply that. While my uncle from my father’s parent forced me to learn on Islamic Boarding House in east Java, but he forgot that several of his little brothers don’t do that as well, but why he’s too busy to care of others.

Simple words, I expect too much from ustadz (event It should be fulfilled), I will respect Ustadz only if his holly words similar with his way of life. But I often  got that point not from ustadz (usually), but from the one who succesfully being influenced by Ustadz’s words to be holly.

However, Ustadz’s words really inspiring people to be as holly as what ustadz say, but for me people that has been influence by ustadz Inspiring me more than ustadz that forget to apply their words or use their holly words just for income or even for defending themselves from some problems. But again I love both my grandparents. May heaven becomes our future Home. And I proud (even to be a black sheep) to be a part of Ustadz Family.

Finally, I’ve got some fun . . .

•September 10, 2009 • Leave a Comment

As usual, I’m having my show on the radio while typing this journal. While listening to the song from D’masiv, Jangan Menyerah. Honestly, I am the one who hate D’masiv, don’t ask me why because I don’t know either, but not for this song. After seeing the video clip, I fell in love suddenly. There were some tears on my face at that time, I don’t know but it was really moving. Just like this morning, it was a very perfect morning. Since I was child, I love a rainy morning. That was raining when I have my Morning Power Light (my morning radio show). I enjoyed it so much, until finally someone send me a newspaper. I wondered, he let his body got in wet, while the newspapers for his customer protected by his coat. I don’t know, whether or not my smile is enough to make him kept in warm. I opened my eyes suddenly, how he respecting me and other customers as his King, while I (and maybe some others) not really care of that, what I know is that the newspaper should be on my Office before 7, without considering his sacrifice. I recalled how I always got angry when there were some (even) little lateness. Now, I know how much you serve me your best.

As usual, I got a hurry-morning today, having bath while broadcasting, and go to my hot campus at 7 a.m. after closing my Morning Power Light. There was a terrible jam on my way, how amazing it was, how a small town like Purwokerto has some jams on its traffic. (again) I came late on my Listening class, and I was not alone, there were 5 others students. We sang a song first, for about 15 minutes in front of the class, and finally the lecturer closed the class before we did something, because the technical problem on the cassette, how poor I was this morning. I was trying to remember how sufficient the facilities that my Senior High School has, and I compared it with what I have today. But I looked forward, I tried to enjoy what I could enjoy. That’s what I called as fun, even only enjoying a rainy day, listening to the music on my broken lab, and enjoying my tiring day, because happiness comes from my own self. I don’t need to find anywhere, just enjoy what I can enjoy . . . . My real fun (even I have only one day Holiday on my Lebaran celebration 😛 ). Whatever it is, let’s show our best smile. 🙂

enjoy what you can enjoy

enjoy what you can enjoy

Start Writing (again) . . .

•September 9, 2009 • Leave a Comment

me and my favourite macaroni

It’s a long time for me not to make some note. Yeah, due to the assignment given by my lecturer to write a personal journal, so now I want to start writing (again). Honestly, I don’t really understand the exact task, hahaha, because I didn’t go to his class today. I felt so tired today, after having broadcast I went to my bed (supposed to be) for a while, I thought it’s enough to have a little rest for 7 – 8 a.m., unfortunately It ain’t enough at all. I woke up at noon, 12 a.m., how a long rest it was. I had too much things to do yesterday, but I think today’s-long-nap really enough for curing my tiredness.

I’m having broadcast on “Most Wanted” (my radio program) while writing this journal. I just breaking my fasting day with my boarding house friend. I waited for so long to have my meal on Mr. Samsam cafe. But It was nice to be gathered with my boarding-house friends, as I really seldom stay there, hehehehe piss “Aziz, Evan, Imam, Sigit”. Anyway, I think I need another menu after having broadcast, fried rice could be nice for my late dinner, because I need a longer sleep tonight, so I won’t have my Sahur.

p.s. : Regarding the assignment from my Lecturer, please text me if there’s any errors, OK !

Selamat Malam Senin….

•March 30, 2009 • 3 Comments

People say “I hate Monday” but I usually say “I love Monday”, kalau ditanya alasan saya, sebenernya saya juga tidak punya jawaban yang pasti. Mungkin karena saya tetep bekerja di hari Minggu, atau mungkin karena saya memang tidak punya hari libur jadi setiap hari sama. Ahh, tapi saya paling tidak suka jawaban mungkin, itu hanya memberikan pertanyaan pertanyaan lain. Jadi saya akan menjawab, saya suka hari Senin karena di hari ini merupakan “permulaan” dan menerut saya hari Senin memberikan saya banyak harapan baru.

Seperti biasa, hari ini saya bangun pukul 06.30 WIB (tentunya setelah mematikan 2 alarm HP  dan satu jam waker pemberian bos saya). Saya tidak langsung beranjak dari tempat tidur saya. Saya membuka mata saya, mengambil tempat minum yang sudah saya letakkan di samping tempat tidur saya dan meneguknya beberapa kali. Ahh, segar setelah itu saya mengecek inbox di HP saya,  saya juga heran, saya kan tidur jam 11 ato 12 malam, kok setelah itu masih ada orang – orang yang SMS, kenapa tidak menunggu pagi (bukan Peterpan). Tanpa sarapan, saya berangkat ke kampus setelah mandi dan mengoleskan beberapa lapis acne cream untuk wajah saya yang “berbintang”.

Mata kuliah pertama adalah book report, kali ini membahas novel yang berjudul David Cepperfield karya Charles Dicken, seperti biasa saya datang terlambat, semua dosen maklum apalagi mahasiswa yang lain, mereka sudah menganggap ini sebagai rutinitas saya. Sebenarnya karena tiga bulan terakhir saya siaran pagi dari jam 5 sampai jam 7 jadi pasti telat di mata kuliah pertama yang di mulai jam 7 tepat. Sayang saya belum sempat baca novel itu, jadi saya memilih diam pada sesi tanya jawab. Minggu lalu saya tertarik membaca sebuah novel karangan Dickens juga, Oliver twist,  dan sebuah novel yang menceritakan seorang tokoh king Arthur, jadi saya tidak sempat membaca David C. Tapi bukan masalah yang besar, karena saya optimist mendapat nilai yang bagus setelah memberikan presentasi saya beberapa minggu yang lalu tentang The Uncle Tom’s Cabin karya Harriet Beecher Stowe. Mungkin sedikit kepedean tapi mungkin itu sudah menjadi salah satu watak menonjol saya. Setelah itu saya pindah ke ruangan sebelah, ruangan yang sebenarnya tidak mampu menampung lebih dari 45 mahasiswa, tapi sering dipaksa untuk menampung 50 – 60 mahasiswa, wow pemerkosaan ruangan. Setelah itu saya masuk ke kelas Literature, dan ternyata hanya diberi tugas untuk membaca novel Twilight dan minggu depan harus mengapresiasikan novel dan filmnya. Tapi saya tidak tertarik untuk membaca novel itu, mungkin karena saya sudah menonton filmnya, jadi saat saya mencari novel saya lebih memilih novel Indonesia, judulnya Coklat karangan Etty Indriati, saya belum selesai membacanya, baru 5 bab, tapi so far novelnya cukup membuat saya tertarik, saya membacanya di sela lagu dan iklan saat saya siaran. Seperti biasa agenda hari Senin di tengah jam kuliah adalah pergi ke ATM untuk mengecek dan mengambil uang (kalau sudah masuk). Uang kiriman dari kakak saya, karena kebutuhan – kebutuhan primer saya masih dibiayai oleh kakak pertama saya, semoga sebelum 5 tahun kedepan saya sudah bisa mulai membalasnya, Amin. Syukurlah uang sudah di kirim, saya pergi ke percetakan untuk mengambil back drop titipan kakak saya. Lalu saya mengunjungi toko musik dan sport buat melihat – lihat biola, karena saya akan menekuni biola kembali setelah bertahun – tahun tidak menyentuhnya sama sekali. Sebelum kuliah bahasa Perancis saya dan teman saya Tine memutuskan untuk minum es kelapa muda di tempat langganan. Setelah kuliah perancis saya makan di KFC, haha packet attack, paket rakyat jelata. Setelah makan kita pergi ke gramed di sana pun saya melihat – lihat biola, sepertinya saya sudah sangat terobsesi, tapi mungkin saya baru akan membelinya bulan depan, toh tinggal beberapa hari. Setelah itu saya balik ke kantor, hujan – hujanan menggunakan Karisma X saya yang sudah menua. Setelah itu saya siaran, seperti biasa dari jam setengah 7 sampai jam 9 malam, tentunya sambil membaca Cokelat. Saya break siaran 30 menit untuk siraman rohani Kristiani, setelah itu saya siaran lagi (harusnya hanya 30 menit, sampai jam 10), ternyata ada masalah dengan relay Pas FM, saya complain ke Indovision, tapi sayang sekali ternyata di sana tidak ada 24 hour Costumer care, jadi saya tidak mendapat jawaban yang sedikit pun memuaskan, dan follow up hanya akan dilakukan besok pagi. Menjengkelkan sebenarnya, tapi betapa tokoh di Cokelat sangat menginspirasi saya untuk selalu bersikap dan berpikir positif, terimakasih Etty Indriati, novel yang bagus. Sekarang siaran saya hari ini sudah selesai, saya berniat pulang, dan meneruskan membaca novel ini.

Seperti biasa selalu saya selalu berusaha mengatakan, Terima Kasih Tuhan untuk pelajaran hari ini.
Oya tadi buku saya di coret – coret dosen Perancis saya, Nichola, native. Dia bilang “How poor your sentences” dengan pronunciation ala engfrance (English – Frances) yang susah sekali di dengar, dan saya merasa seperti mahasiswa yang bodoh (mungkin baru sadar kalau ternyata saya bodoh, hahaha)


•December 24, 2008 • 3 Comments

Sedih, ku tahu kini perasaanmu kepadaku

sedih, saat kau tak yakin kepadaku akan cintaku

jalan berliku tak kan membuatku menyerah akan cinta kita

tatap mataku dan kau akan tahu

semuanya yang ku rasakan


Aku bertahan

karna ku yakin cintaku kepadamu

sesering kau coba kau mematikan hatiku

tak kan terjadi yang aku tahu kau hanya untukku

Aku bertahan

ku akan tetap pada pendirianku

sekeras kau coba tuk membunuh cintaku

yang aku tahu kau hanya untukku

TataP mataku dan kau akan tahu

semuanya yang ku rasakan



•December 8, 2008 • 1 Comment

Dua hari yang lalu ada cewe yang nge add fs gw, akhirnya gw approve. Di fsnya dia cerita kalo sepupunya ada yang sakit, dia nyebut nama sepupunya itu, dan gw kaget soalnya namanya sama kaya nama anak sepupu gw (bingungin yah,,,???hheehehe), dan gw juga denger kabar kalo anak itu lagi sakit. Trus akhirnya gw kasih comment, makasih dah nge add sama pastiin kalo anak kecil yang sakit itu sodara gw. Ternyata bener, dia sodara ipar sodara gw (bingung lagi kan).

Tapi, yang ga gw sangka sodara gw itu ngomongin kejelekan gw ke anak kecil yang nge add fs gw…. dan gw marah banget, soalnya gw pikir dia itu sodara yang baek. Ga mungkin kan kalo anak itu tau jeleknya gw, secara dia baru kenal. dan itu sebenernya ga penting buat di bahas. Mulai sekarang, gw JANJI, GW GA BAKAL MAEN KE TEMPAT DIA, SAMPAI DIA MATI JUGA. PERCUMA JUGA SOK MANIS KALO CUMA DI DEPAN. DIA DAN KELUARGANYA DIA YANG MULE PERANG DULUAN AMA GW, GW CUMA BISA TAHAN EMOSI SAMBIL BERDOA, YA TUHAN TOLONG HANCURKAN HIDUP MEREKA,,,,,